Thursday, May 24, 2012

Prayer


Prayer
Photo: Me


“Lord, prepare me to be a sanctuary, pure and holy, tried and true. With thanksgiving, I’ll be a living sanctuary for you.”

The power of prayer is amazing.  It’s perhaps cliché, but I can’t stress it enough.  Also, everything happens for a reason.  Another cliché.  But these two clichés have become a driving force in my life. 


As a person who fell away from the Catholic Church and faith in general, prayer has not been a strong suit for me.  I would have to say that this is the one pillar of Dominican spirituality that I struggle with the most.  Throughout my year with the Dominican Volunteers, I have been blessed with the opportunity to learn more about prayer through my two roommates, the sisters at the Martin de Porres Convent, my spiritual director, my wonderful new friend Br. Paul, and so many more people.  I have gained a new understanding and respect for the rosary, including the Chaplet of Divine Mercy.  I have learned about daily prayer guides, such as Give Us This Day, the Little Black Book for Lent, and Magnificat.  I have learned more about prayer through preparing my students for the sacraments and teaching them religion while subbing.

This year I had a great prayer life during Advent, Christmas, Lent and Easter.  It all kind of fell apart for me during the weeks following Easter.  My hope is that starting tonight I can turn this around.  Pentecost may be a great moment in my prayer life for me. 

I feel that I have lost my personal and communal prayer over this Easter season.  It is partly due to the fact that our community has been inconsistent with prayer.  I feel I need that routine prayer to keep myself on track.  Sunday mass has kept me sustained, but I miss daily prayer.  As Br. Paul mentioned to me in a phone call tonight, “The soul is hungry, just like our bodies get hungry, so does our soul.”  To which I of course responded, “I need to feed my soul!”  It was silly at the time, but it got me thinking.

I have been really stressed about possibilities for next year in terms of job, ministry, and vocation.  I have been struggling with this for a few months now, wavering between many opportunities, many of which have either fell short, are up in the air, or have not yet presented themselves.  It is a tough transitioning time that has come upon me, but I feel more, now than every, that I just need to lift this up to God, who loves me more than anyone else, in prayer. 

I reached a breakthrough perhaps when all of a sudden a number of ephemeral moments re-entered into my consciousness.  Br. Chris, my spiritual director who I have not seen in a long time, showed up unexpectedly at dinner.  I was teaching religion while subbing for second grade and the lesson was on prayer and speaking and listening to God.  Br. Paul gave me advice to offer my questions up to God and leave them there.  All these moments may be that push to get me back into prayer life again.  My soul is grumbling like en empty stomach, asking to be nourished.

As I took a moment of silence tonight to offer my questions about my future up to God and just listen, I heard a song.  “Lord, prepare me to be a sanctuary, pure and holy, tried and true. With thanksgiving, I’ll be a living sanctuary for you.”

I told God that I would like an answer to my question, some signs to point me in the right direction.  Remembering that is not always God’s way, I also said that even if I don’t get an answer or a sign, I know that everything happens for a reason and whatever path I go down will lead me toward Christ. 

So I leave you with two clichés:
-The power of prayer is amazing.
-Everything happens for a reason.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Lent: Living Water

I refused to drink water growing up.  I didn’t like the taste.  “Water doesn’t have a taste!”  But it does!  At least it did to me.  Until about a week ago, I never drank water unless I was forced to (getting a drink from the water fountain after gym class, having it as the only option at dinner when I was a guest, etc.).  How did I live?  Anyone who knows me well knows my addiction to Coca-Cola.  I guess that has enough water in it to keep me surviving.  But to think of ALL the sugar in pop (yeah, I occasionally call it that now, thank you Midwest) and other sugary drinks I would rely on is quite nasty.

This year has been about learning and trying new things.  It came in regards to food (cooking for the first time – and for other people, and trying new foods), jobs (first actual teaching job), personally (trying to make friends in a new place), emotionally (learning how to cope with separation from friends and family), and spiritually.

With that being said, I feel like this is the first liturgical calendar year I am experiencing as a Catholic.  Well, I was always Catholic, but this is the first year I am able to be open to growing spiritually and practicing my faith. It started with Advent.  I was able to prepare spiritually all season long and it completely changed my outlook on Christmas and the whole Christmas hubbub. 

Now it’s time for Lent.  I got excited for Ash Wednesday (really cool article, thanks Alex!) and the meaning behind it all.  I was able to help distribute ashes during the school mass (which was open to the community as well).  With the help of our 8th Graders last Friday, we were able to see the shadowed silhouettes of the Stations of the Cross.  It was beautiful.  The dedication of the 8th graders, being still in the shadowy scenes, reading the Station descriptions, singing and playing songs on all sorts of instruments, and reading reflections of how we can translate each station into our lives.  I was able to give a heartfelt response of “because by Your Holy Cross you have redeemed the world." I hope that Lent will prepare me to see Easter in a whole new light.

St. Pius V School's Stations of the Cross
Photo: Me
I freaked out about giving something up.  In the past I always said I will do something good.  I will change how I act to better myself.  It was probably the easier choice back then – less accountability.  This year I didn’t want to settle. I wanted my Lenten promise to MEAN something.  I realized yesterday that I was doing something already. 

It all started with going to the doctor for my usual post-nasal drip about a week ago.  She called it an upper repertory infection and pretty much told me it will take about 10 days to go through my system and that I should eat well, get lots of rest and drink lots of water.  She suggested 2 liters a day.  I thought, oh crap.  I don’t drink any water.  I should probably give this a shot. 
 So I started filling a water bottle and bringing it to school.  I would try to drink a whole glass when taking my cold and flu over the counter medicine.  This wasn’t so bad.  I wasn’t dying from the taste of water and it was actually sustaining me.  Yeah, I would drink soda occasionally, but I was doing pretty well. 

Now I didn’t want to just give something up.  “I’m drinking more water and drinking less soda for Lent” just didn’t mean much to me.  Yeah, we give up things that mean a lot to us in order to recognize that Jesus gave up his life to wipe away our sins (I don’t mean to trivialize this, that’s HUGE).  I was reading the “black book” that my roommate Stephanie had procured for me and it talked about the baptism of Jesus by John and it discussed water.  And yesterday’s mass talked about the Water of Life and how it sustains us. 

It all clicked.  As I am drinking more water throughout the day, I find myself thinking about the waters of baptism, the water of life, and my faith that sustains me.  I had had a problem with being mindful of God’s presence in my everyday life.  This may be my answer to this problem.  Every time I take a sip of water, I can use that moment to reflect on the wonderful gift God has given us through Jesus Christ. 

Christ of the Abyss, Key Largo, FL
Photo: Serge Malki

Water is so powerful.  It can cleanse, renew, cause growth in plants and trees, make a beautiful rainbow in the sky, make the morning dew that sparkles in the sunrise, create condensation on the outside of a glass, be the sign of baptism, come out in tears of sorrow and joy, rain down from the heavens, provide the center for a village, bust out of a hydrant for children to dance in, amaze us in its power in waterfalls and dams, be the holy water that we bless ourselves with as we enter or leave a church, be waves that we surf or swim in, refresh us after strenuous work, pour out of us as we labor under the sun, show us our reflection as we look over a lake, and so much more.

Rainbow
Photo: Nigel Howe
I also want to remember that there are so many people in this world that do not have access to potable water.  This sickens me.  It should be a plentiful resource, but sadly that is not the case. (Thanks to your commitment to solidarity with those less fortunate, Becky.  You truly inspire me).

My Lenten promise is to let water sustain me for 40 days and 40 nights, remembering along the way that my Baptism was a turning point in my life, and that Jesus Christ is my eternal water sustaining me.

Sculpture of Jesus Christ crucified, in sand, on Puerto Vallarta beach, Mexico
Picture: Wonderlane  

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Sense of Peace


http://farm1.static.flickr.com/39/78126437_aa5ca55f5a.jpg

As the fourth week of Advent begins, we light the final candle representing peace.  It seems so coincidental (or God’s plan) that everything has been so peaceful in my life.

Usually around this time, my life is filled with stress and running around trying to get everything ready for the holidays.  I think that because of Dominican Volunteers and my special attention to Advent this year, I seem to be more at ease.

I have intentionally paid attention to Christ’s presence in my life and prayed about how I need to prepare for the coming of Christ. 

It has been very interesting how the beginning of my week was quite tumultuous (or so it seemed at the time).  I was subbing for second grade for three days, we had three new students straight from South Korea, and our community had something planned for every night of the week. 

But everything settled as the week came to an end.  The second grade teacher came back to work, the students’ Christmas party was a success, the second grade Korean student really bonded with me, and we had a wonderful celebration for my roommate Stephanie’s birthday, among many other blessings.

My spiritual direction with Brother Chris is proving to be so fruitful and I am truly thankful for the opportunity to flesh out my spiritual life.

I have decided not to stress about my visit back to NY for the holidays.  I have a few plans in mind, but I don’t want to plan everything to the tee.  Over planning can lead to anxiety or disappointment.  If everything happens, so be it, if not, life moves on. 

I will be able to see family and friends and that is what matters this holiday season.  

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Tis’ the Season – Advent!


I was overcome with emotion today at mass as I realized how my spiritual journey and the journey of the church were coinciding so nicely. As I am revitalized in my faith this year, we begin again with the new church year. As advent begins, we wait in hopeful yearning for the coming of the Lord. As the new missal translation begins, so does my revived love for Catholicism and my newfound feeling of community with the church.

While the presiding priest gave us a short theology lesson before beginning mass this evening, and as people groaned each time a few members of the congregation just couldn’t remember to say, “and with your spirit,” I couldn’t help but think of this as a time not only to refresh my faith by paying careful attention to the words throughout the mass, but also how blessed I am to be a part of this church.

It has been a long and tumultuous journey and I just feel so blessed to be so open, ready, and willing be true to my faith and practice my religion to the best of my ability.

In his homily, the priest said to pay attention to the readings throughout this advent season and listen to what is being said. This week’s reading from Mark 13 ended with Jesus saying, “What I say to you, I say to all: ‘Watch!’” But what are we watching for? Immediately, I thought of watching for things we often overlook or take for granted.

One thing that has struck me as of late was the amount of homeless in Chicago. Every time I drive somewhere, I will see someone on the side of the road or coming up to car windows with a cup and a sign. As the winter months come upon us, it is important for us to remember and pray for all those who will not know warmth through the holiday season.

Something I also want to work on this week is my ability to see God’s presence in everyday life. I want to find, identify, and thank God for these moments. I believe it will enrich my spiritual life and my life in general to see these moments in the good times and the bad.

So as we enter into the advent season, which prepares us for the feast of Christmas, I know I will be listening carefully to the readings and praying over just exactly what Jesus is asking me to watch for.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Three Ring Circus


I am sitting at the Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey circus on a school field trip and as the lion tamer whips his feline friends and shouts “Everybody Scream!” I can’t do so.  I merely gasp…

So many things are going through my mind as I write this blog post.  Even as I wrote that previous sentence, it just reminded me of why I am writing this. 

I have reached my maximum potential at St. Pius V School.  In addition to math enrichment, content-based previewing, review and remediation, computer/technology class, sacrament preparation, the PeaceWorks program, the after school program Tuesdays and Thursdays, Chess club on Tuesday and Thursday mornings, chaperoning field trips, and substituting, I was able to finally initiate the Computer/Technology club (Fridays after school).

Now you have to understand, I am in no way complaining.  In fact, if you have been able to witness my life, I have always thrived on wearing multiple hats.

I believe it all started with musical theater.  I was five when I started performing in community theater and it started my juggling act.  Ironically, I cannot juggle, so this is merely a metaphor.  I started to juggle elementary school academics, a social life and rehearsals/performances. 

In middle school, extracurricular activities were added into the mix.  In high school, I added on discovering who I was, working part time jobs, and exploring relationships. 

In college, I ran the gamut:  Resident Advisor, Student Government, Gay-Straight Alliance, STAC Singers, Laetare Players, Spartan Volunteers, Campus Ministry, and so much more.

After graduation, I started working part time at Education First, an international English school.  It started with being an RA and ended with about three to four part-time jobs.

And here we come full circle to Dominican Volunteers.  Add in community, a spiritual journey, and a new state and city and you can begin to see how I got to wearing my many hats at St. Pius V.

At each step of life, I foolishly told myself I would start fresh and not get so involved.  But I just can’t sit back and relax.  It’s not who I am or how I grow. 

I realize that sometimes friendships or relationships fall by the wayside while I am out there experiencing life.  I am sad to see them go, but I’ve come to realize I live in the moment.  I realized it back in that gasp while watching the lion tamer.  “There is no future, there is no past, let’s live this moment as our last,” the RENT lyrics go. 

I go above and beyond with what I’ve got.  Some say I spread myself too thin, some say I am neglectful, some say I am a workaholic.  They are probably all correct. It is what it is and I don’t want to change.  I get to experience so many beautiful moments in life and for that I am grateful. 

My God moments come in being fully present in the moment and having those connections with other people in that moment.

If you know me, you know that I have an atrocious memory.  I wonder if it may not be the memory, but perhaps it’s how I perceive the world.  I don’t want to dwell on the past or worry too much about the future.  I just want to live for the now.  I want to see all three rings of the circus at once and live in each moment.

I'm sorry, I had to...

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Dominican Spirituality: The Charism According to Sean


A little over two weeks ago, I was able to speak as a member of the Young Dominican Mission Team, at Ohio Dominican University.  My portion of the talk was about the Dominican charism and spirituality.  In learning about this spirituality, I narrowed it down to a few topics.  Below, I would like to explain these topics as I know them and, sometimes, give a little bit of my personal experiences with these aspects of the Dominican spirituality. (If you see something incorrect or would like to expand upon a topic, please feel free to leave a comment!)

The Four Pillars

Dominican spirituality revolves around four pillars: community, prayer, study, and preaching/mission.  Many other words could be used as well, but I have most frequently heard these used.  These pillars are intertwined.  You can’t remove one of these pillars because, just like a building supported by physical pillars, the Dominican spirituality could not continue to be supported.

Community

Sisters, nuns, and friars all live in communities.  The sharing of community allows Dominicans to share their lives and have a support network that is very strong.

When I first was introduced to the Dominican order and spirituality, this pillar immediately grabbed me.  I was welcomed in with such love and respect.  I was recognized for the talents and skills that I could add to the community.  I felt like I missed out on that community at my home parish throughout my childhood.  I never found my niche.  But once I started spending time with young adults in the Dominican Preaching in Action conference, I felt like I found my place in church.  This is what ultimately led my friends and I to start Dominican Young Adults, USA.  We wanted to continue our newfound community of likeminded individuals in the Dominican tradition.

Now that I am living in an intentional community, living with two fellow Dominican Volunteers, and sharing community with a former Dominican Volunteer, Lisa, the Dominican friars who live upstairs, Fr. Brendan, Fr. Matt, and Fr. Chuck, the Dominican sisters of Springfield, Sr Pat, Sr. Judine, Sr. Judy, and Sr. Beverly, and soon the friars who live across the street in the priory, I am learning the joys of this pillar.  I have such a support network and I can contribute to my community.

Study

Dominicans feel that we must study to gain the knowledge that will bring us closer to the truth.  This is both in the sense of secular and religious knowledge.  This also refers to studying about issues of injustice and oppression. 

Always having done well in school, this pillar made a lot of sense to me.  However, I realize that I need to learn more.  I WANT to learn more (see last post).  But I realize that I will continue to learn throughout my life.  I especially look fondly on the learning I am experiencing as part of this Dominican Volunteer journey. 

Preaching/Mission

“Preach at all times, when necessary use words.” ~St. Francis of Assisi

Dominicans are called upon (actually all Catholics, by baptism, are called upon) to preach the good news of the gospel.  We must share the good news with our brothers and sisters here on Earth.  Many of us think of preaching as preaching from the pulpit.  However, we can preach through all our actions, through art, music, athletics, dance, etc.  We preach in so many ways.  If we live out our lives following Christ, we are preaching to others. 

Many Dominicans are involved in mission work.  This involves working with and for the poor and marginalized, the outcast, those in formation of or lacking in faith, and so many other good works.  When we enter into mission work, we are living out the gospel values and preaching the good news.

I am so blessed to be able to volunteer at St. Pius V School.  Volunteering has allowed me to learn so much about teaching, technology in schools, and the Hispanic culture (99% of the students were Hispanic in 07-08, not sure what the current stats are).  Also, being able to teach in a Catholic school has allowed me to share my religious background and knowledge with the students.  I love the additional aspect of prayer in the classroom and I feel that it attributes to the wonderful atmosphere of the school.  I enjoy being a positive role model for my students and being able to reach out to those students who need help academically, emotionally, or spiritually. 

Prayer

Prayer is key to Dominicans.  While this may be a big “duh!” to people, the close personal relationship to God was very important to St. Dominic.  Known as a man of very few words and an intensely devout relationship with God, St. Dominic developed nine whole body prayer positions.  These were recorded and shared with the world. 

This is a pillar that I am working very hard on this year.  Personal prayer is something that I struggle with.  Whether it is the excuse of not having enough time or not knowing what to do, I often neglect prayer unless it is in a spiritual setting, such as church or retreat or a prayer service.  Thanks to the sisters, I have been able to use “Give Us This Day” which chronicles the daily mass readings, prayers, and a morning and evening prayer service.  It also features saints and other important people in faith as well daily reflections on scripture.  Incorporating this prayer is easy and helps me keep in touch with my personal relationship with God. 

To Praise, to Bless, to Preach

I always feel so scholarly when I can recite laudare, benedicere, praedicare in Latin.  But being able to praise, to bless, and to preach is at the heart of being Dominican. 

Truth

Veritas (see I love Latin)!  Dominicans love being able to learn about the truth.  St. Thomas Aquinas emphasized throughout his studies the importance of finding the truth.  During St. Dominic’s time, there were many heretics called Albigenses, who believed that the body was evil (among other beliefs).  St. Dominic and his followers had conversations with these heretics trying to get them to see how what they believed was straying from the truth of the church.

Contemplate and Share the Fruits of Your Contemplation

I am too lazy to look up the Latin words for this.  The Dominicans believe that we must be willing to contemplate.  We must think, pray, study, and allow ourselves to be open and let God in.  But we can’t just stop there; we have to share the fruits of that contemplation.

As I am living in community, I am continuing to see the wonderfulness of contemplation and the ability of my roommates and I being able to share in those fruits of contemplation.  I believe that the ability to see other people’s points of view on subjects, dilemmas, and issues allow us to come closer to the truth. 

Preach the Signs of the Times

Dominicans believe that we must preach the signs of the times.  We must keep the bible in one hand and the newspaper in the other hand.  The oppression and the injustices that happen in our world today must be addressed and intertwined with the gospel. 

In my own life, I constantly struggle with this.  This is what I loved about the campus minister at St. Thomas Aquinas College, Sr. Madeleine Murphy, O.P.  In her reflections on the gospel at mass, she would constantly tie her preaching of the gospel into everyday college experiences.  I always try to take the gospel and figure out how it applies to my life.

Bartolomé de las Casas, O.P. spoke out against the mistreatment of the native peoples during the Spanish colonization of the New World.  He and his fellow Dominican friars looked to the gospels and preached a famous sermon about the mistreatment of these peoples.  They are said to have preached:

“Tell me by what right of justice do you hold these Indians in such a cruel and horrible servitude? On what authority have you waged such detestable wars against these people who dealt quietly and peacefully on their own lands? Wars in which you have destroyed such an infinite number of them by homicides and slaughters never heard of before. Why do you keep them so oppressed and exhausted, without giving them enough to eat or curing them of the sicknesses they incur from the excessive labor you give them, and they die, or rather you kill them, in order to extract and acquire gold every day.” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bartolomé_de_las_Casas)

The Holy Rosary

Thanks to the wonderfulness of my roommate and fellow volunteer, Stephanie, I was able to re-learn how to pray the rosary.  I don’t remember being formally taught the rosary (though I’m sure they covered it in religious ed.) and I most certainly don’t remember learning about the mysteries.  Previous to this new knowledge, I had always wondered what would be so appealing about praying the same prayers over and over again. I can now see that repetition can lead to this meditative state where you can think about the mysteries or anything else prayerful. 

I still think I prefer other types of prayer, but I am definitely more willing to do the rosary than I was before.

I knew that the Dominicans focused on the rosary, but I didn’t necessarily know why.  While studying a bit of the Dominican Order’s history on Wikipedia, I came across a very interesting part of the article:

“Histories of the Holy Rosary often attribute its origin to Saint Dominic himself through the Blessed Virgin Mary. Our Lady of the Rosary is the title received by the Marian apparition to Saint Dominic in 1208 in the church of Prouille in which the Virgin Mary gave the Rosary to him. For centuries, Dominicans have been instrumental in spreading the rosary and emphasizing the Catholic belief in the power of the rosary.” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dominican_Order#Rosary)

Wow.  I had no idea.

A Dominican Journey

Throughout my life journey, I am slowly seeing a parallel Dominican journey that I have embarked upon.  My Dominican journey is responsible for my renewal in faith and my continuing spiritual development and I know I am not even close to the end destination – which excites me so much!

Monday, October 17, 2011

Still learning...

26 days since my last entry?! Gosh... sorry.

I feel like I am still learning a lot.

I had an early interest in learning.  I remember really wanting to learn how to read and that sense of accomplishment when I read my first book: "The Foot Book" by Dr. Seuss. I remember finding a fourth grade text book when I was in third grade and challenging myself to complete all the chapters in the book just for fun.

However, I feel like there was a lot of learning because I had to learn.  I was expected to learn and not wanting to disappoint, I did.  I did well in high school to get to college.  I did well in college to get to grad school.  I always knew I wanted to be a teacher, so I went through the motions.  Now don't get me wrong, I learned a lot as a result of all this education.  But I still remember struggling through picking a grad program and landing on something that truly interested me: Education Technology.

For the first time in a long time, I was learning what I wanted to learn.  My one professor exposed us to a myriad of topics, allowing us to explore on our own, pursuing those topics that interested us the most.  One day I stepped aside.  I was floored at how much I was absorbing, all because I really wanted to learn!

I feel like this year, for the first time, I am learning about Catholicism.  I am learning about spirituality.  I am doing so because I am on my own terms.  I have come to a point in my life where I can take the time and learn.  I'm learning how to bring personal prayer into my life.  I am learning more about my religion and the Dominican spirituality.  I am learning how to keep the Gospel alive in my work, in my community life, in my study, and in my life.  And I still have SO much more to learn.

I learn so much every day from my ministry site.  I am finally a teacher.  I am learning how to maintain my effectiveness as an educator.  I am learning because I want to learn.  I signed up for a number of professional development workshops.  I am reading blogs about technological topics and learning how I can apply them to my teaching.  I took online classes on how to use the Promethean boards and the little gadgets that go with them.  I am learning what I have to teach. I am learning how to teach technology/computers, how to be a resource room teacher, how to teach Early Education and Kindergarten and 7th and 8th grade.  I am learning how to teach enrichment.  All skills I didn't learn in school, but am learning through doing.  This volunteer work is shaping up to be a transformative experience.

Everyday I am learning something new.  Not just something.  Many things.  Every day I learn so many things - how to cook, how to get from point A to point B in Chicago, how to promote peace, how to live more simply, how to be environmentally friendly, how to brighten someone's day, how to say something new in Spanish, and so much more.  All of these life lessons are invaluable. And I wouldn't trade them for the world.