Prayer

Prayer
Photo: Me

“Lord, prepare me to be a sanctuary, pure and holy, tried and true. With thanksgiving, I’ll be a living sanctuary for you.”

The power of prayer is amazing.  It’s perhaps cliché, but I can’t stress it enough.  Also, everything happens for a reason.  Another cliché.  But these two clichés have become a driving force in my life. 

As a person who fell away from the Catholic Church and faith in general, prayer has not been a strong suit for me.  I would have to say that this is the one pillar of Dominican spirituality that I struggle with the most.  Throughout my year with the Dominican Volunteers, I have been blessed with the opportunity to learn more about prayer through my two roommates, the sisters at the Martin de Porres Convent, my spiritual director, my wonderful new friend Br. Paul, and so many more people.  I have gained a new understanding and respect for the rosary, including the Chaplet of Divine Mercy.  I have learned about daily prayer guides, such as Give Us This Day, the Little Black Book for Lent, and Magnificat.  I have learned more about prayer through preparing my students for the sacraments and teaching them religion while subbing.

This year I had a great prayer life during Advent, Christmas, Lent and Easter.  It all kind of fell apart for me during the weeks following Easter.  My hope is that starting tonight I can turn this around.  Pentecost may be a great moment in my prayer life for me. 

I feel that I have lost my personal and communal prayer over this Easter season.  It is partly due to the fact that our community has been inconsistent with prayer.  I feel I need that routine prayer to keep myself on track.  Sunday mass has kept me sustained, but I miss daily prayer.  As Br. Paul mentioned to me in a phone call tonight, “The soul is hungry, just like our bodies get hungry, so does our soul.”  To which I of course responded, “I need to feed my soul!”  It was silly at the time, but it got me thinking.

I have been really stressed about possibilities for next year in terms of job, ministry, and vocation.  I have been struggling with this for a few months now, wavering between many opportunities, many of which have either fell short, are up in the air, or have not yet presented themselves.  It is a tough transitioning time that has come upon me, but I feel more, now than every, that I just need to lift this up to God, who loves me more than anyone else, in prayer. 

I reached a breakthrough perhaps when all of a sudden a number of ephemeral moments re-entered into my consciousness.  Br. Chris, my spiritual director who I have not seen in a long time, showed up unexpectedly at dinner.  I was teaching religion while subbing for second grade and the lesson was on prayer and speaking and listening to God.  Br. Paul gave me advice to offer my questions up to God and leave them there.  All these moments may be that push to get me back into prayer life again.  My soul is grumbling like en empty stomach, asking to be nourished.

As I took a moment of silence tonight to offer my questions about my future up to God and just listen, I heard a song.  “Lord, prepare me to be a sanctuary, pure and holy, tried and true. With thanksgiving, I’ll be a living sanctuary for you.”

I told God that I would like an answer to my question, some signs to point me in the right direction.  Remembering that is not always God’s way, I also said that even if I don’t get an answer or a sign, I know that everything happens for a reason and whatever path I go down will lead me toward Christ. 

So I leave you with two clichés:

-The power of prayer is amazing.

-Everything happens for a reason.

Lent: Living Water

I refused to drink water growing up.  I didn’t like the taste.  “Water doesn’t have a taste!”  But it does!  At least it did to me.  Until about a week ago, I never drank water unless I was forced to (getting a drink from the water fountain after gym class, having it as the only option at dinner when I was a guest, etc.).  How did I live?  Anyone who knows me well knows my addiction to Coca-Cola.  I guess that has enough water in it to keep me surviving.  But to think of ALL the sugar in pop (yeah, I occasionally call it that now, thank you Midwest) and other sugary drinks I would rely on is quite nasty.

This year has been about learning and trying new things.  It came in regards to food (cooking for the first time – and for other people, and trying new foods), jobs (first actual teaching job), personally (trying to make friends in a new place), emotionally (learning how to cope with separation from friends and family), and spiritually.

With that being said, I feel like this is the first liturgical calendar year I am experiencing as a Catholic.  Well, I was always Catholic, but this is the first year I am able to be open to growing spiritually and practicing my faith. It started with Advent.  I was able to prepare spiritually all season long and it completely changed my outlook on Christmas and the whole Christmas hubbub. 

Now it’s time for Lent.  I got excited for Ash Wednesday (really cool article, thanks Alex!) and the meaning behind it all.  I was able to help distribute ashes during the school mass (which was open to the community as well).  With the help of our 8^th Graders last Friday, we were able to see the shadowed silhouettes of the Stations of the Cross.  It was beautiful.  The dedication of the 8^th graders, being still in the shadowy scenes, reading the Station descriptions, singing and playing songs on all sorts of instruments, and reading reflections of how we can translate each station into our lives.  I was able to give a heartfelt response of “because by Your Holy Cross you have redeemed the world." I hope that Lent will prepare me to see Easter in a whole new light.

St. Pius V School's Stations of the Cross
Photo: Me

I freaked out about giving something up.  In the past I always said I will do something good.  I will change how I act to better myself.  It was probably the easier choice back then – less accountability.  This year I didn’t want to settle. I wanted my Lenten promise to MEAN something.  I realized yesterday that I was doing something already. 

It all started with going to the doctor for my usual post-nasal drip about a week ago.  She called it an upper repertory infection and pretty much told me it will take about 10 days to go through my system and that I should eat well, get lots of rest and drink lots of water.  She suggested 2 liters a day.  I thought, oh crap.  I don’t drink any water.  I should probably give this a shot. 

 So I started filling a water bottle and bringing it to school.  I would try to drink a whole glass when taking my cold and flu over the counter medicine.  This wasn’t so bad.  I wasn’t dying from the taste of water and it was actually sustaining me.  Yeah, I would drink soda occasionally, but I was doing pretty well. 

Now I didn’t want to just give something up.  “I’m drinking more water and drinking less soda for Lent” just didn’t mean much to me.  Yeah, we give up things that mean a lot to us in order to recognize that Jesus gave up his life to wipe away our sins (I don’t mean to trivialize this, that’s HUGE).  I was reading the “black book” that my roommate Stephanie had procured for me and it talked about the baptism of Jesus by John and it discussed water.  And yesterday’s mass talked about the Water of Life and how it sustains us. 

It all clicked.  As I am drinking more water throughout the day, I find myself thinking about the waters of baptism, the water of life, and my faith that sustains me.  I had had a problem with being mindful of God’s presence in my everyday life.  This may be my answer to this problem.  Every time I take a sip of water, I can use that moment to reflect on the wonderful gift God has given us through Jesus Christ. 

Christ of the Abyss, Key Largo, FL
Photo: Serge Malki

Water is so powerful.  It can cleanse, renew, cause growth in plants and trees, make a beautiful rainbow in the sky, make the morning dew that sparkles in the sunrise, create condensation on the outside of a glass, be the sign of baptism, come out in tears of sorrow and joy, rain down from the heavens, provide the center for a village, bust out of a hydrant for children to dance in, amaze us in its power in waterfalls and dams, be the holy water that we bless ourselves with as we enter or leave a church, be waves that we surf or swim in, refresh us after strenuous work, pour out of us as we labor under the sun, show us our reflection as we look over a lake, and so much more.

Rainbow
Photo: Nigel Howe

I also want to remember that there are so many people in this world that do not have access to potable water.  This sickens me.  It should be a plentiful resource, but sadly that is not the case. (Thanks to your commitment to solidarity with those less fortunate, Becky.  You truly inspire me).

My Lenten promise is to let water sustain me for 40 days and 40 nights, remembering along the way that my Baptism was a turning point in my life, and that Jesus Christ is my eternal water sustaining me.

Sculpture of Jesus Christ crucified, in sand, on Puerto Vallarta beach, Mexico
Picture: Wonderlane