Prayer

Prayer
Photo: Me

“Lord, prepare me to be a sanctuary, pure and holy, tried and true. With thanksgiving, I’ll be a living sanctuary for you.”

The power of prayer is amazing.  It’s perhaps cliché, but I can’t stress it enough.  Also, everything happens for a reason.  Another cliché.  But these two clichés have become a driving force in my life. 

As a person who fell away from the Catholic Church and faith in general, prayer has not been a strong suit for me.  I would have to say that this is the one pillar of Dominican spirituality that I struggle with the most.  Throughout my year with the Dominican Volunteers, I have been blessed with the opportunity to learn more about prayer through my two roommates, the sisters at the Martin de Porres Convent, my spiritual director, my wonderful new friend Br. Paul, and so many more people.  I have gained a new understanding and respect for the rosary, including the Chaplet of Divine Mercy.  I have learned about daily prayer guides, such as Give Us This Day, the Little Black Book for Lent, and Magnificat.  I have learned more about prayer through preparing my students for the sacraments and teaching them religion while subbing.

This year I had a great prayer life during Advent, Christmas, Lent and Easter.  It all kind of fell apart for me during the weeks following Easter.  My hope is that starting tonight I can turn this around.  Pentecost may be a great moment in my prayer life for me. 

I feel that I have lost my personal and communal prayer over this Easter season.  It is partly due to the fact that our community has been inconsistent with prayer.  I feel I need that routine prayer to keep myself on track.  Sunday mass has kept me sustained, but I miss daily prayer.  As Br. Paul mentioned to me in a phone call tonight, “The soul is hungry, just like our bodies get hungry, so does our soul.”  To which I of course responded, “I need to feed my soul!”  It was silly at the time, but it got me thinking.

I have been really stressed about possibilities for next year in terms of job, ministry, and vocation.  I have been struggling with this for a few months now, wavering between many opportunities, many of which have either fell short, are up in the air, or have not yet presented themselves.  It is a tough transitioning time that has come upon me, but I feel more, now than every, that I just need to lift this up to God, who loves me more than anyone else, in prayer. 

I reached a breakthrough perhaps when all of a sudden a number of ephemeral moments re-entered into my consciousness.  Br. Chris, my spiritual director who I have not seen in a long time, showed up unexpectedly at dinner.  I was teaching religion while subbing for second grade and the lesson was on prayer and speaking and listening to God.  Br. Paul gave me advice to offer my questions up to God and leave them there.  All these moments may be that push to get me back into prayer life again.  My soul is grumbling like en empty stomach, asking to be nourished.

As I took a moment of silence tonight to offer my questions about my future up to God and just listen, I heard a song.  “Lord, prepare me to be a sanctuary, pure and holy, tried and true. With thanksgiving, I’ll be a living sanctuary for you.”

I told God that I would like an answer to my question, some signs to point me in the right direction.  Remembering that is not always God’s way, I also said that even if I don’t get an answer or a sign, I know that everything happens for a reason and whatever path I go down will lead me toward Christ. 

So I leave you with two clichés:

-The power of prayer is amazing.

-Everything happens for a reason.